How to be a Terrorist

               Mr Daniel  Taub wore an elegant black suit that night in the studio, and he presented the cameras with the best of his smiles. He seemed to be extremely at ease with  the BBC presenter, after all the years giving public lectures and radio talks, as  an esteemed ambassador. He is a silver fox, you  see , the kind which would have girls squealing all over him if he’s a character in a manga. No one would have looked better than he was  with his gold-tinted glasses, that phony sonuvabitch. 

                   Mr Taub had an important  task that evening in the London studio.  He was about to face the whole world and defend the actions his country did. There would be huge consequences  for every word that he was about to say later during the interview, and a blunder might even lose him his job. But Mr Taub had no need to fret; he’s the perfect man for the job. He held his posture straight , like the soldier he once was, but with a slight drop in his soldiers, so that he might look cool and intellectual and all. He looked civilized enough to force anyone with the worst of intentions  to treat him with nice words. No one would have thought that Mr Taub is an accomplice and a defender of murderers, if they have not known him well enough, because, well, he wore a suit that evening.

                     The cameraman signaled everyone to get in their places as the live broadcast in BBC World was about to start. Mr Taub  probably felt  a bit nervous that evening, because no matter how extraordinarily fabulous you are, you have to be  bit nervous in front of cameras. However, he showed not even the slightest flush on his face. When you have experience speaking to the public for years, you learn how to hide the anxiety- under the tables, probably. 

                

             And thus the BBC lady started the interview with a smile on her face. It was a huge interview for a not too surprising turn of events in the Middle East. Mr Taub had probably done this routine for a few times now.  Mr Taub said that evening that his friends in Israel had to start their ground offensive in Gaza.  His face showed a somewhat pained expression –perhaps a pang of guilt , for being the phoniest guy on earth. After weeks of shelling houses, hospitals and schools, and killing people from a distance, they had decided that it was time to get up close. Apparently throwing bombs from behind a high wall does not ensure kills, and friends in a first-person shooter would have given  you hell for being such a cheat. Freaking campers.

                           The lady presenter and Mr Taub probably knew each other by the way they looked at each other ,after years of interviews, but I could only guess as much, by looking at the screen , on top of a plane. When she asked Mr Taub about the massacres ,” When is this all going to end?” , she sounded so compassionate and loving, like a wife asking her husband  when he’s going to quit smoking, or worse a mother asking her beloved son to stop playing and go to sleep. I half expected the fabulous Mr Taub to reply with “ Honestly,my dear, I don’t give a shit”.

               You don’t ask a murderer about when he would stop killing. A sensible person in that studio would have stabbed him in his eyes , for being a murderer, and punch his stomach for being such a pretentious human being. That night Israeli Defense Forces ascended into the cramped Gaza and started killing all those terrorists who hide behind month-old babies and insanely pregnant women. There were terrorists under the broken floors of UNRWA schools , in bunkers under Shifa’ Hospital, inside small water pipes and between the fine grains of sand  . They were everywhere, yet they were nowhere to be seen , as if they were ninjas or something.

             Mr Taub spoke of the ground offensive as if it was an unavoidable natural order forced upon their consciousness, as if there was no any other option.  The IDF was not the hero they deserved, but the hero they needed. The dirty job needed to be done, by someone.   All they need was kill. I have to disagree, Mr Taub, because for all the options available for your people , they could have been playing desert volleyball instead of killing people.

                        That was my recollection about the interview on that day of 17^th July , a day of great 

misfortune as the plane MH17 crashed and IDF stormed into Gaza-probably just a mere coincidence. The BBC lady thanked the fabulous Mr Taub for gracing her studio with his presence, to courteously inform the world that his friends would kill some more that night. Common sense told us that we should treat with high regard someone with such civilized courtesy, and furthermore, he wore a nice black suit that evening. That probably explained why nobody punched his face in the studio.

                     I remembered when Obama visited Malaysia not too long ago, nobody threw shoes at his face. Probably because he wore suits too back then. There he was , all fabulous and charming, gracing the audience in the esteemed Universiti Malaya. I had anticipated news of him being slapped with Croc slippers or something to no avail, because Malaysians are civilized men, and we act civil in front of civil people. We were worried about some stupid and uninspiring questions some students asked the guy, and some sensible people who protested that day were given show cause letters. I’d rather be uncivilized.

                   We probably had simply forgotten that day that his government was the main sponsors of the atrocities done by Mr Taub and his friends, that his nation has murdered hundreds of thousands of civilians in Iraq in the search for the elusive WMD that was never found, and another hundreds of thousands in Afghanistan, in search for an old geezer. An honest mistake. The United States too were apparently mistaken in their war efforts, and we need to forgive civilized men when they make such honest mistakes. And because these men wear incredible black suits too. We need to learn from mistakes, forgive and forget.

                If ISIS wants to succeed in being world rulers, they should start wearing black suits and speak English like that phony guy Mr Taub, because apparently if you do such things you get every excuse that you need. They should also stop killing journalists in front of cameras, because that is not very good for publicity. They should’ve fired bombs from hidden holes and used drones to kill civilians, because it is apparently more humane. They really need to learn the art of killing people. ISIS leaders should also learn how to be friendly with BBC lady presenters.

              ISIS is wrong , they are murderers, the real terrorists and they have misused Islam’s name in every way possible, but nobody should ever give Americans the moral high ground  over ISIS . When US defence chiefs stated a few days ago that ISIS is beyond anything they’ve seen ,it was the  the height of irony. What claim does this criminal has upon the other?