The trees here are blooming with red flowers, this time of the year, when it is never certain whether the day is going to be sunny or rainy. I have grown accustomed with the coldness of the mornings and the extreme heat of the noon. I like it when the scenery painted with red flowers is fused with the horrible smell coming from the rubber plantations; it is confusing and seems just wrong. Such a beautiful place , and such a terrible atmosphere to breathe in; love and hate becomes one. Ah, sorry, I'm writing this because another exercise paper would make me puke my soul out, so forgive me if the following words seem incomprehensible.
I am leaving this place in a matter of days, when it is most beautiful; when the trees are painted red. I can only wish that we could leave this place when it is not this breathtakingly magnificent, so that it won't be hard for me to leave this place that I despise so much.
|it's not this much of a redness|
I am writing this post as an apology towards a friend who had been apologizing to me every day in these two years. He has done absolutely nothing wrong , yet he kept saying sorry for every single thing he ever did. My friend apologizes to me for waking me up for Subuh prayers, and he would say sorry for not waking me up. He would apologize for making a joke, and he apologizes for making bad jokes. Everything seems wrong, and I do not understand why.
Even though what he did had absolutely no effect or correlation whatsoever upon my soul , he would blame himself for it. It seems like he would apologize if the air we breathe in stink of spoilt rubber , or if it rains, or if I have a fever, or if I forget my lunch. It is very depressing to carry the burden of guilt of the whole earth, yet my friend takes upon himself every single thing that happens. Sometimes I feel sad for my friend because of his tendency towards blaming himself, but sometimes I feel like punching him in the face.
My roommate and I fart at our leisure, because it is human nature , and there is nothing wrong with it. Unless if the word fart is beyond your tolerance threshold. My friend however apologizes every single time he farts, and that is just unacceptable. What the fish man.
Forget the previous paragraph.
Even if the day is a perfectly fine day, windy and coloured with fallen red petals, without even a hint of the stinking rubber, it seems that my friend would find something to apologize for.
The main problem is that my friend is an extremely kind guy. He has never refused to help me with my studies, nor is he ever reluctant to share his notes and books. Sometimes he would pack breakfast for me when I am unable to come to the dining hall in the mornings; for various reasons obviously. He is the one who reminds me of important things ; dates and tasks to be settled; all of which I tend to forget. In this place where everyone else seems uninterested with religion, he would always speak to me about hadith; their matan and the meanings, surahs and ayahs in the Quran. My friend is like an angel, soaring in the sky painted with red trees; his kindness overwhelms me and rendered me speechless. When an angel apologizes to you , the burden to forgive is too heavy and depressing, especially when there is nothing wrong in the first place.
Due to the high frequency of apologies being said, I feel like he does not regard me as his friend at all. Friends do not have to apologize for most of the stuff we did. Eat my food and smack my head, I won't even care. The only moment that you have to apologize is if you kidnap my sisters and burn my house down.
My economics teacher taught me that the excess of supply of a good would reduce the price, as the marginal utility diminishes for every extra consumption. Too many apologies would reduce the value of the word "sorry", I guess, similar to the story of the boy who cried wolf. The third time when the shepherd boy cried for help, this time against a real wolf, none of the villagers come to his rescue. The next time my friend apologizes, I would never know whether his apology is sincere, or just born out of routine.
I guess that I must sound like a mean and judging schmuck who are unable to appreciate others. Well then ,sorry for that.
I have no idea whether my friend and I would ever meet again after these two year's end. After all we would be leaving this desolate place painted with red trees. I would be happy if we could part ways without being guilty. He would feel guilty because he always feel that way. I would feel guilty because I was never able to say sorry.